We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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