Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
