Define "chronic" masturbator.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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