i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
