I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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