The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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