How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
