Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize