I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
