Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
