There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
