i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
