Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You pole danced in your parka.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
