theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When are your genitals available?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
