if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
