The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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