put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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