dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
