So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
