i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
