I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
