it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
