new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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