If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
