Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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