were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
