if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
