Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
