Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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