I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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