So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
