Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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