Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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