yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
