capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize