used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
