At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
