is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
