Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We have so much sex to catch up on
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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