My hand turned me down
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize