My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
do herpes really smell.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
pray to the hookup gods
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize