that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
