The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's blow job season.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize