It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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