I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
