I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
