What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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