I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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