You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
