Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
