The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
