Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
