drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
