my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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