someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
