Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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