pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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