He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize