Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
