brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
