I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
