Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
