when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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