HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
