If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
