I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
