I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
