Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
