Non-Jews are for practice
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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