Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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