I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can I color on your dick again?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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