I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
