I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
